How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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