Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
