he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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