its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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