Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
