my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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