He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
