Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
