Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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