Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
