grandma shit on top of the toilet
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
