Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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