i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
