420 ftw
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
my poor anus
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
