just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
