don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
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When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
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