I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
