I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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