I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
