Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
