i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
