She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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