Don't make out with my wife yet
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
and she was petting her beer can
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
