I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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