My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
