dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
