Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize