you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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