i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
