I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I smell stomach acid.
Farmville is her only friend.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
