No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize