We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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