I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
