so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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