So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
