Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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