Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
