if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
