I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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