you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
