hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
