Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
is it fun? or sober?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
