when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
