rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
