Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
