3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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