im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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