im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
