dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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