I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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