I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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