My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
