the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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