i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
