Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
hell yes lets make some ravioli
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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