So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
