theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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