I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
