She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
