smell my finger.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
