So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
