Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
