I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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