I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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