sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
