People in love make me want to vomit
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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